OK, this doesn’t have to do with my writing, it’s just more of a rant but since I’m the one writing it I guess it qualifies.

So, we’ve known about it since last July when the teaser began to run on the day “Transformers” was released. And of course, we all wanted to know just what the hell was this thing that was using the head of the Statue of Liberty as a golf ball. Well, finally, after half a year “Cloverfield” is here. It could have easily been called “Monkey Wrench” and the title would have made as much sense (as a matter of fact, this is the first time I find the title in Spanish –”Monster”– much more appropriate).

By the way, if you allow me a small disclaimer, this post is filled with spoilers so if you haven’t seen the movie yet I suggest you stop reading right now.

I mean it. Go somewhere else.

OK, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

In the tradition of “The Blair Witch Project”, “Cloverfield” consists basically of a home video that runs for about 80 minutes (but which covers events that take place in the span of more or less seven hours). I must say I went to see this movie with the slight fear that I would be cheated, that there wouldn’t be a monster at all. This is not the case. There really is a monster here and this is the big difference between “Cloverfield” and “Blair Witch”, one tries to deliver what it offered while the other one doesn’t really say much.

“Cloverfield” tells the story (yeah, right) of a group of friends who throw a surprise party for one of them who is going away to work in Japan. After about 15 or 20 minutes of boring footage (it’s a home movie after all, and we actually agree with protagonist Rob when he sarcastically says “You mean I can watch it every night?”) that somehow tries to give a little background about these people, we get what we came to see: blackouts, rumble, explosions and our long-awaited Statue-head-rolling-down-the-street scene. As the movie unfolds we get to see more and more 5-second shots of this creature and its offspring, small spider-like creatures that make your body explode if they bite you (hey at least you don’t become a zombie, you just get to bleed a lot). The “plot” then follows Rob as he boldly defies fate and risks certain death after learning that the girl he loves is trapped in her apartment. Between Rob and his girl are the creature, its offspring, and the heavily-armed US military.

Now, let’s be honest here. Do we care about Rob and his buddies? Not really. Me, I wanted to get in the movie, and pound the guy holding the camera (I mean, can’t you stop filming for 5 minutes while your best friend tells his mother that his brother just died?). What we want is more shots of the monster (as a matter of fact we don’t get to see it for more than ten seconds, it’s longest shot is against the sky so most of what we see is a silhouette). Everything else is just footage we’d fast forward if we had the control, although there are some quite suspenseful moments, like the creatures in the tunnel and the whole helicopter sequence.

I did not hate “Cloverfield”. I actually enjoyed it, mainly because it did deliver the monster I was waiting for, although in very short segments. Like I said at the beginning, the title doesn’t make any sense (at least that I know of), but then nothing else does. We never get to know where this thing came from, what it wants, or what’s its fate. We see everything through this little camera (which is pretty far-fetched) and in the end we know just as much as these guys do. Yes, when the camera runs out of tape we get this little “epilogue” with a shot of happier days–which I must say I really liked–and then the movie is over and everyone at the theater remains in their seats saying “what, that’s it?”. But like I said, I’d take “Cloverfield” over “Blair Witch” any day of the week.

And that’s it for the rant.

You can catch my reviews for “Shutterbug” and “The First Humdrumming Book of Horror Stories” in January’s Horror World delivery, as well as other cool reviews, a story by Bev Vincent and much more.

UPDATE (2/2/08) : These reviews have been moved to the Horror World archives. You can now find them here.

I recently participated in a collective story with other members of the Pod of Horror message board at Horror World. The story “O Come All Ye Unfaithful” was written by Mark Justice (host of POH podcast), David T. Wilbanks (co-founder of POH), Matt Cowan, Gregory Montague, Rich Ristow and myself. You can read it here.

Additionally, you can catch a reading of our story on the next Pod of Horror.

UPDATE: Pod of Horror #41 features the story (abridged version), read by Mark Justice. You can download it here.

This was my entry for Horror World’s Flash Fiction contest last year. Although I didn’t win, I did receive some positive comments. It’s a very short, sort of twisted story that takes place on Christmas Day. Feel free to let me know what you think.

PRESENTS

“Luke, we’re ready!”

Marni scoffed. Who could be ready for this? she thought, absently biting at her fingernail. Mom noticed her discomfort and offered her a cup of hot chocolate.

“Now, now, honey. No frowns on Christmas.”

That joyful Christmas morning smile. If only the eyes would match it.

Under the tree, Dad counted the presents, intent on playing his role in their twisted little play.

From upstairs came a grunt.

Mom continued to offer Marni the chocolate.

Footsteps began making their way down the stairs. Heavy, uneven. More like thuds.

Marni stood up. Dad shot her a glance.

Her chest heaved, restraining a scream. Not this again.

“Marni, please” Mom begged, and stretched her smile as much as she could. Her arm was getting tired of holding out the cup. She’d spill it any second now.

Marni grabbed the cup before Mom made a mess. Things were bad enough already.

Mom sighed, her eyes inviting Marni to sit back down.

Marni did. Mom grabbed her hand, kissed her fingers.

“I’m not coming next year,” Marni blurted.

“Honey…”

“I’d rather spend Christmas at the dorm, I swear to God.”

“Marni!”

Dad’s voice, stern. He bore the no-nonsense expression of a father who’s heard enough whining.

Settle down now, Marni. Play along.

Marni could see the dread behind, weighing on his features.

Luke reached the bottom of the stairs with a wail. Marni thought she was ready for the shock, every year she thought she was, but taking it in was never easy. As her younger brother made its way toward the couch, dragging the stump it had for a foot, glaring at them with that only black eye, Marni clutched a cushion until the fabric ripped under her fingernails.

“Marni, please,” Mom whispered.

Fine, she thought. She’d play along.

Dad picked up a present. Mom wound a music box. Inside a crystal dome, Santa and Jack Frost danced to “Deck the Halls”.

“This one’s for you, son,” Dad said.

Luke mumbled something, words colliding with the spit dripping from its chin.

“Oooh,” Mom said, “I wonder what it is!”

Her brother’s deformed fingers clawed at the wrapping.

It’s a train, it’s always a fucking train!

And it was, of course. Luke picked it up, held it over its head and gurgled in approval, that sick, disgusting sound.

Marni shut her eyes. Beside her, Mom cuddled Luke, laying a kiss on its leathery skin.

“This one’s for you, Marni,” she heard her father say. When she opened her eyes she saw him holding a bright red box.

“Merry Christmas, baby,” he said.

It was Luke’s guttural cry what made her take the gift.

Mom smiled.

Dad smiled.

And with every shred of will, she smiled.

Luke’s cry stopped.

I won’t be coming next year, she told herself. No way in hell.

But for now she’d play her part.

For her family. And for Luke. No one wanted a tantrum this year.

No one wanted Dad to lose another arm.

My short story “Cycle of the After Hours” has been published as an Amazon Short. It can be yours for only $0.49. “Cycle…” is about a woman who is constantly disturbed by the sounds she hears coming from the apartment directly above hers, and what she finds when she goes up there.

My flash piece “Decent and Good” appears on the Stories page of the brand new Croatoan Publishing website. Upcoming titles include work by authors such as Ronald Kelly. Keep an eye on them.

You can still catch my flash tale “Paper Hat” on Down in the Cellar. While you’re there, check out the other stories or read some reviews. The site is managed by Jeff Cercone who was a pleasure to work with.